Severe Pain and Torment = Gallstones

Well apparently I owe McDonald's an apology. Well kinda. The food there is the reason my gallbladder acted up and sent me to the ER last Friday  night. I had the same pain as the night before only this time I let myself be talked into going to the ER. They did some tests and told me that I have a lot of gallstones. So long story short I'm having my gallbladder removed on Tuesday. Fun fun fun. I am looking forward to no more pain but not looking forward to surgery at all.
Apparently it's a pretty simple procedure and they do it all the time. And I do mean all the time. Apparently a lot of people have had this done. I had no idea it was so popular. I tend to hang on to my organs. Well except for those pesky tonsils. Those bad boys had to go. So I guess my gallbladder will go the same way as those two. I will bid it a fond farewell. After all it did last 29 years. That's better then most things these days. LOL So yeah..it'll be going to wherever those evicted organs go. Maybe there is some crazy place they keep diseased or unusable organs. Or maybe they save them and show them to med students. That's a much better thought then thinking they just throw it away. My gallbladder will live on and help others. :)
So my surgery will be on Tuesday. So hopefully Wednesday I will wake up and feel awesome. Well as awesome as you can after surgery.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. I'm going to enjoy my weekend as much as I can on a low fat diet and I'll talk to you post surgery.

McDonald's = Severe pain and Torment

I ate at McDonald's yesterday with my mom and my son. I ordered the #2. For those of you who don't know that is the two cheeseburger meal. It has two small cheeseburgers with ketchup, mustard, onion, pickles, meat and cheese on a bun. You get fries and a drink with it. Normally I eat this and I'm ok. Yesterday it tried to kill me from the inside out. I was in so much pain I thought my stomach was going to explode. I cried, I threw up, I cried, I threw up. Nothing helped. I took an antacid tablet thinking it was gas or something. No help. I took some pepto (YUCK!) no help. I took two tylenol, no help. I threw up, no help. I took a shower and then threw up in the shower. I think everything I ate came up that time. But I was still in pain. I was beginning to think it was food poisoning. But my son ate there and had no problem. But then again, he had the chicken, not beef. So I go to bed and stay there until I had to throw up again. Took some different meds and drank some sprite. I passed out eventually and woke up around midnight. Found my husband on the couch and told him to go to bed.

Here I will insert that I have the best husband and two children ever. My daughter and son called my husband at work to tell him there was something wrong with me. Crazy kids. It was sweet though. Then they checked on me and did everything I asked until Carey came home. Then when he got there he took over and checked on me, got me medicine and made chicken noodle soup for dinner. He also did laundry. Poor guy, has to work all day and comes home to a wife who seems to have gone mental crying and spewing everywhere. My daughter did the dishes and kept an eye on her little brother. She's only ten so this is awesome.

I feel a little better today. Still a little squeamish. I'm afraid to eat much or drink much. If the pain comes back it'll suck big time. So I'm taking this opportunity to tell someone, anyone, everyone that McDonald's is evil. I don't know why people eat there. I don't even really like the food. If you've ever had a real hamburger there really is no comparison. I guess it's just the convenience of the whole thing. Everything is either already ready or ready in just a few minutes. I'd much rather go someplace and wait for thirty minutes to get food that isn't going to torture me for hours after I've eaten. So from this day on I will no longer be eating at McDonald's or Burger King. I don't know what they put in the food there but it's not good.

I'll call it my pre New Year New Years resolution. No more McDonalds. No more Burger King. Feel free to join me with this. Maybe if enough people stop eating there they will be forced to make decent food.

18 Days....

It's December. And there are only 18 days until Christmas day. My kids can barely contain their excitement. I get excited too this time of year. But not for the same reasons.....oh who am I kidding? I LOVE getting presents. I don't deny it, ever. I love giving presents, buy presents and getting presents. I don't think I'm greedy really, it's just the surprise factor I think. I like being surprised by what my husband picks out. He always knows exactly what I want and/or need. It makes me happy.
I think I've done pretty good this year. I've gotten or told the grandparents exactly what the kids want. So they should be happy and surprised by a couple of things. I know my daughter will be. I got her a pink BB gun. She is going to freak. She likes her brothers BB gun so I know she'll  love this one since it's all girly and stuff. She's also getting an easy bake oven from Grandma. She has been begging me for two months to get her one. So she'll be excited about that. Carson is usually happy with everything he gets but I did manage to get two things I know he'll love. I got him a huge Buzz Lightyear action figure. He's been begging for that. And I got him a nerf gun which he'll love. And a new Fisher Price iXL thingy. An educational game that will hopefully help him learn his numbers and letters. Maybe even help him start reading.
Thankfully they don't use the internet often or even read this so they don't know a thing. LOL But I can't say what I got my husband. I don't know if he reads this or not but just in case he does I can't say. But I am very confident everything I got him so far is something he wanted. So I'm looking forward to seeing his face when he opens one of them.
I got my mom one of those digital picture frames. She is always wanting new pictures of the kids and I usually keep mine on the computer. I hate to print them so I will give her the picture frame with old and new pictures of the kids so she can see them whenever she turns the frame on. I thought it was a good idea.
I will probably have a few more little things to get but nothing major. I'm going to make something for my niece and my daughter. So that'll be easy. Easy but it takes time. So I need to get started on them. But I have to wait until tomorrow since I have to buy yarn. I'm always buying yarn.
Well I guess that's enough of my pointless rambling for now. If I don't post between now and Christmas I hope all of you have a fantastic holiday season. And a very Happy New Year.

It's the most wonderful time.....

Well Thanksgiving is over and the Christmas tree is up. I've got the majority of my shopping done. I have one thing coming in the mail and just one more thing to buy and/or make. Everything else will be small things and stocking stuffers. Most likely candy and small toys.

Not much is going on right now. Just been busy crocheting hats. I've done a lot of them too. I don't mind do them at all and it does give me a little extra money. Most of the money went to buying more yarn but some of it I was able to use to buy a few gifts and things. Here are a few pictures of hats that I've done lately.

So there are just a few of the hats I've done lately. I still have more to do. Bunny hats! I will post pictures as soon as they are done. Which is probably what I need to be doing right now. I know this was short but I don't have much to report anyway. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. :)

10 Years Ago....

My ten year high school reunion was this past weekend. I only went to the tour of the school and that was only because two of my best friends made me. I was a little curious to see the school after all these years but now I'm regretting going. They have changed so much in the last decade that there wasn't really anything there that reminded me of my high school experience. Even my old locker was gone. Everything except the cafeteria seemed different. Oh well...time marches on.

I didn't go to the actual reunion for a number of reasons. Number one on that list was they were charging people 25 dollars per person to get in and eat. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, but it's a restaurant I've never been too, I don't like most of the people and I would have had to drive almost 50 miles to get there one way. I'm not going to waste the gas for something like that. Sorry! Number two, I hate things like that. People always act like they are happy to see you, they tell you how great  you look even if you look terrible and then they go back to their friends and talk about you behind your back. Pretty much the same as high school. LOL  Any other reasons I have are probably petty and immature but you know what? I hated most of high school. I had a few good friends and I had a few fun times but for the most part all high school was was a waiting period. You are old enough to know what you want but too young to actually get there without help. You are just waiting to start your adult life and get out of that hell hole. So why go back and revisit purgatory? 

And that's exactly what high school is, purgatory. Junior high was hell, there really is no other way to put it. It's that time when your body and mind are going thru so many changes you are desperately trying to keep up. But then hopefully, by the time you make it to high school you aren't quite so emotional, have at least one best friend and you know where you fit in the grand scheme of the school experience. So you put your head down, get the work done and basically just survive purgatory and graduate. Then it's like those pearly gates open up and you realize "Damn! I'm free!! I'm 18, I can get a job, move away from Mom and Dad and never look back at this hell hole again!" At least that's how I felt about it.

So when the idea of my 10 year reunion came up I was about 90% sure I wanted nothing to do with it. Then when I saw the people who were organizing the event I was 100% sure I wanted nothing to do with it. Didn't like them then, don't like them now. Call me a snob but I think I've earned the right to return the attitude I was given back in the day. I don't always believe in forgiving and forgetting. I have an excellent memory when it comes to remembering how my friends and myself were treated. I may forget names, but I remember faces. And it's not hard to remember four years of being looked down on by certain people. And it is nice to see that their lives didn't all turn out to be perfect either.

So what's changed with me in 10 years? I graduated high school, had my daughter a few months later. Two weeks after that I started college and graduated four years later. I got married five months after that and had my son almost exactly 9 months after the wedding. LOL I've been busy and happy. During those last ten years there have been a few people I wondered about and I've actually become better friends with some people from school. Two of my best friends now went to high school with me. But at the time we weren't really close, we had classes together and talked but never really hung out. Now we get together when we can and it's awesome. So I would say life is better now then it was then and I am really grateful for that.

So they can keep their reunions. I don't need to revisit the past to know how good I've got it now.

R. Lee Ermy at Wally World!

So yesterday me and my family got to meet R. Lee Ermy at Walmart of all places. It was crazy! Of course we had to wait for two hours just to get some photos and autographs but he was so nice and even explained to use where the term "jackwagon" came from. My son loves the commercial he does where he's a therapist and calls the guy a jackwagon. LOL He signed pictures for all of us and my friend Natalie was awesome enough to take that picture so we could all be in the photo. He even signed my daughter's hat for her.

I am aware that some of you don't know who he is. He did the Gieco commercial, he did the voice for the little green soldier dude in Toy Story, and he was in Full Metal Jacket. I have not seen that movie but from what I understand I must watch it. He was also in Saving Silverman. Now that was a funny  movie. LOL So yeah, if you haven't seen any of those movies just look him up on youtube. You'll see who he is.

Not much else to talk about right now. Still getting ready for Halloween and enjoying the cooler temps. Even though today is supposed to get up to 89 which is way too hot for this time of year. I hate it. I want it to be cold. LOL
Well I gotta go find out what I'm going to make for dinner. I hope you all have a fantastic rest of your weekend.

Adventures at Goodwill!

Holy guacamole! Look at the shoes I found at Goodwill! 4 bucks! Just 4 bucks. Can you believe it! I have no idea where or when I will wear these shoes but I love them. I have wanted some leopard print shoes for a couple of years now but they usually cost a lot of money so I waited. I'm so glad I did. I can't believe I found these.

The original plan was to go looking for pants for the kids, they seem to have grown five inches in the past two months. I got my daughter some skinny  jeans, even though I hate them, but she likes them. They fit perfectly and were only 3 bucks a piece. She seems excited anyway. I got my son some awesome corduroy pants and some camo cargo pants. I will have to hem his pants but that's an easy fix. Much less expensive then buying them new. And no one will know the difference. I hate buying new clothes when kids are growing so much. Seriously, why pay more then 3 bucks for pants when in just a few short months they will have outgrown them and they are still practically new? 

Both of them are going through some sort of growth spurt. It's driving me nutty. I can't keep my daughter in decent pants at all. She outgrows jeans like she's growing an inch every night.

Well I must get off of here and get dinner going. I just thought I'd share my score at the Goodwill store. And rant a little about how fast kids grow. They really should invent clothes that grow with your kids. LOL

Later gators. :)

Finally Fall

Well as you can see there is a cute little witch on a broom up there. Because Fall always means Halloween in my house so there's the witch. I thought it was too cute not to use. :) I am so excited that it's Fall and almost October. October is only the best month out of the year. Not only is Halloween that month but it also happens to be my birth month. I know some people don't like birthdays but I happen to love mine. I don't care that I'm getting older. I love cake and presents. I'm not afraid to admit it either, I love getting presents.

Well back to Halloween. I've gotten all the decorations I'm going to get this year I think. Well minus a few pieces I need to finish making my ghosts. I have the fabric and glow sticks. I just need the Styrofoam balls to make the heads. I have spider webs and a creepy door knocker and some gargoyle fencing to put out in the yard. I think I have other stuff in the closet but I don't know if I'll be able to drag it all out or not. I can't even really remember what all I've got in there.

I did my craft show on Saturday. It was fun. I made some money and got to hear lots of compliments about my hats and necklaces. So that was cool. I will definitely have to make more hats for next year. The camo baby beanies seemed to be a big hit. I just need to make bigger sizes. And I plan on it. :) It would have been better if more people had shown up but hey, I'll take what I can get. I really  need to find a way to sell my stuff online on a website or something. I don't want to do ebay or etsy since they both cost money to list. I don't want to have to pay to sell something when it might not even sell. So yeah...I don't know. I'll figure out something.

I dyed my hair a dark dark brown. It's almost black but not quite. I like it a lot. I hated my natural color that was growing back in. I don't even know what color it is. It's some weird color that's between brown, blonde and gray. Gross! Almost a mouse color. Blah.... Now I just need to decide if I want to cut it or let it grow long. I love long hair but I always feel like I look like crap. I'm sure I don't look that bad but I hate not having a style. Ya know? I don't want to look frumpy all the time. I'll be going back to work in less then a year and I want to look professional or at least like I put some effort into how I look. So I'll probably end up trying some different cuts between now and then. My hair grows fast so if I don't like it I'll be fine. LOL

Well that's enough of my boring rambling for now. I hope you all have an amazing week.

Ozark Memories Day

Saturday September 24th is the day I will attempt to sell all of my hemp jewelry. I hope every single piece sells. I have been working on these things for months. I am looking forward to it but I am also pretty nervous. I think they all look great  but what if it's just me? What if they all suck? Apparently some people like them but are they just being polite? I hope not. LOL Here are some pictures so you can decide for yourselves.

 This is multi colored hemp with a black cat's eye pendant. It's more of a choker style necklace.

 This necklace has a sun pendant with tie dye glass beads.

 This necklace has sea glass colored glass beads.

 This picture is kind of blurry but you get the idea. I had one similar to this that sold last year.

 This one has wooden beads and a shell pedant.

 This is crocheted purse I made. I like how bright it is. :)

 Celtic knot pendant.

 Owl, bird and raccoon pendant. I thought it was cute.

 Stone circle pendant with stone beads.

 I love this one. It's a dragonfly pendant. If it doesn't sell I may be tempted to keep it for myself.

This is a blue paisley pendant with blue glass beads.

And here is an owl pendant with purple glass beads.

Now those aren't the only ones I've made, I have a lot more to choose from. I just didn't want to sit here all day and upload them. LOL By all means go to facebook and find Tree Hugger Hippie Crafts by Jessica and like the page. You'll see all the stuff I make.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

So I finished the book the other night. It was a great story. I will admit it started out kind of slow. I wasn't sure how it was going to go, if it was going to be sad or happy or what. But the more I got into it the better it got. I don't know if it's as funny as the commercials for the movie make it seem but it was good. It did make me laugh and it did make me cry. So all in all a good story!

So for those of you who ether don't watch tv or live in a cave and haven't heard of the movie or the book it's a story about a young white woman in the 60's who is tired of the way things are. She lives in Mississippi where racism is still prevalent and all the well to do white families have black maids that not only cook and clean for them but pretty much raise their children.

Skeeter, the girl that is fed up with the way things are, has an interest in writing a book about the help. How they feel about working for white families and raising white children. I wont give a bunch of details since I do want you to go out and read the book or watch the movie. But it's a very touching book. It's not my usual cup of tea, I'm more of a romance kind of girl. But it was still an awesome read. I hope you get the chance to read it sometime.

I plan on seeing the movie eventually. I may end up renting it but I will see it sometime. LOL I love Emma Stone, who plays Skeeter in the movie. If you haven't seen her in Superbad, Zombieland or Easy A you are totally missing out. I love her.

I just finished The Pioneer Woman : Black Heels to Tractor Wheels-A Love Story by Ree Drummond. Most of you probably know her from Food Network. She was on Throw Down with Bobby Flay, she now has her show on FN and she writes a very cute blog with tons of awesome recipes.
http://www.amazon.com/Pioneer-Woman-Black-Tractor-Wheels/dp/0061997161/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_2

There is a link to her book. It is an awesome read. It's all about her and her apparently awesome cowboy husband met. I loved it. She talks like any best friend you ever had, not like she is trying to make it more romantic then it actually is. It's just the true story with true feelings and fears of how she met and fell in love with her husband. It starts from her last relationship and ends with the birth of their first child. I don't worry about spoiling the ending because if you know anything about her at all you already know they are married and have children.

It's an awesome love story, has some great recipes and the only thing I want at the end is more of the story. I'd love to hear more about the other three kids and all the adventures that came with that. How she started the blog and why etc. She seems kind of dry on tv but after reading the book and her blog I can tell you that is the worst description of her. She seems like a hilarious person and someone I would love to get to know. So yeah...read it. Then try the recipes. :)

It's September and FRIDAY!

I've posted this picture as a reminder to myself and you that it wont be long now. The leaves are going to start changing and the temperatures are going to go down. Hopefully sooner rather then later. I can't tell you how excited I am that fall is just around the corner. I love the colors, the smells, the cool air, the holidays and of course the food. I have already started the baking frenzy with all my breads and things. I am ready for the pies and turkeys and whatnot.

Most of all I love Halloween. It's just the best time of year. The temperatures are perfect and everything just looks and feels spooky. The trees look old and scary, the moon seems so big and bright on a cold night. But the very best thing in my opinion is Kmart. I know I know...Kmart? But seriously, they have the best Halloween decorations and costumes. And they always put stuff on sale. So I plan on buying some good stuff this year. Maybe not a lot since money is not something I have a lot of but I am going to decorate the house this year if it kills me. And I don't mean decorated for fall or autumn harvest. I mean Halloween. I want it to look scary not cute and cuddly. I wont put blood out or anything like that but I'm thinking headstones and spider webs. Maybe something hanging from the trees. Unfortunately we don't get trick or treaters out this way but lots of people drive by. So they'll at least get to look at it. And I'll save some money on candy. ;)

When I was a kid we always decorated the house. We usually played scary music out of the window and occasionally there was a kid too scared to come to the house. But that's the way it's supposed to be! I get so annoyed at people trying to turn it into a harvest theme. It's freaking Halloween! It's supposed to be scary. It wouldn't be any fun if there wasn't some trickery involved. ;) I just think it's sad that Halloween has been changed so much. I know the world isn't as safe as it used to be blah blah blah...but I seriously think we are depriving our children of one of the best parts of childhood. I love watching scary movies, even the ones that are cheesy now but I loved as a kid. It just brings back so many thoughts and memories. There is just something so magical about Halloween and I think we are losing that. It's becoming more about candy and costumes and not so much about fun. I mean it's great that Church's do a thing for the kids that's safe, although I'm not sure they are setting the best example. I mean they encourage kids to take candy from a stranger's trunk. Not the best idea in the world there. But it's not the same as going door to door asking people for candy. I mean that's half the excitement of Halloween. You never know who's gonna open that door.

So yeah, this year I plan on decorating. I got in the mood yesterday playing Halloween songs for the kids. I kept thinking two more months...two more months. Then it will be here. I haven't been to the stores yet to see if they have anything out yet. Well Hobby Lobby has lots of Autumn stuff out and Christmas stuff if you can believe that. I am so not ready for Christmas. But Halloween is something I spend the whole year waiting on. So you'll have to excuse me if I spend a lot of time talking about Halloween. Since it's so close I can almost taste it it will be on my mind a lot. 
Muhahahahahaaha.......

Bread and Books

So there's the bread. I made it all by myself. I ran out of bread so I decided I'd just make my own. It turned out good. One recipe made two of those loaves. So that's awesome. It tastes so much better then what you buy at the store too. It was really easy to make also. Especially if you have a mixer that has a kneading setting on it. Which I do. Cause I'm awesome.

So now for the books part. I've  been doing a lot of reading this summer. I do a lot of reading all year round but it seems like I've found some pretty good books lately. I finished the Harper Connelly series by Charlaine Harris. They were awesome. The only bad part is there are only four books in the series. But it's basically about this girl, Harper, who was struck by lightning when she was a child and became able to find dead people as a result. She can sense where the body is and can see the last few moments of the person's life. Only she can't see who killed them. So she gets caught up in the investigations of all these murdered people and it's great. If you're used to the Sookie Stackhouse novels you might find these a little boring but I think it was much easier to follow. I love Sookie but each book adds a ton of new information that I have a hard time keeping up with. Another series by Harris is the Aurora Teagarden series. I love these. Aurora is a librarian that has an interest in old murderers. And of course she gets caught up in all the murders that happen in her little town. It's funny and has some romance so I love that. I'm waiting on book five to be turned into the library so I can continue the series. But yeah I'm obsessed with those books. If you like Charlaine Harris you should totally read these other books.

Another series that I started reading is actually for teenagers or something. I just thought the cover looked cool, picked it up and the blurb sounded cool. The first one is called The Alchemist and the second one is The Magician. I just finished  the second one. They are both very good. Kind of a Harry Potter type story, lots of magic but what I like about this one is it actually has a little bit of history, myth and folklore involved. You can actually learn a few things by reading these books. I love that kind of book. Where you read it because it's interesting and come away knowing a bunch of stuff that most people don't think about. So one day when you are on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? you will know answers that your friends probably don't have a clue about. But anyway, these books are by Michael Scott (anyone who knows me well will laugh at that). They are kind of long for your average pre teen or hell even teen but I enjoyed them. I am looking forward to reading the next one, called The Sorceress.

But the next book in line is The Help. I'm sure by now everyone has heard of the movie and since I don't get to see movies often I decided to grab the book at the library. I will probably start it tomorrow if I have time. The movie looks great but as we all know books and movies are rarely the same. I'm hoping the book is awesome and that the movie is a close second. Usually the movies don't even hold a candle to the books they are based on. But anyway, I will let you know how the book is once I finish.

Fall...it's a state of mind.

Well it's almost September people. You know what that means don't you? It means school has started, it's getting just the tiniest bit cooler and Halloween is just around the corner. I can't wait! Mostly for the cooler part but also about Halloween. I love it.

So I've lost some weight. I don't know how much since I refuse to look at the scale. I mostly just judge how much I weigh based on how my clothes fit. I got some new jeans yesterday at Penney's. They are three sizes smaller then the jeans I was wearing. I thought, eh..what the hell? ya know? I mean they looked like they would fit. So I bought them. Then I waited until this morning to try them on. I hate trying clothes on in the store. I feel like I'm being judged when I bring the clothes out and have to put them back on the rack. But lucky for me these amazing jeans fit! And fit well at that. They aren't too long which for us short people is just a given most of the time. So I'm super psyched about this. The only thing I've done different is drink lots of unsweetened green tea. Works for me I guess. But I'm planning on cooking lighter anyway. I've been trying. Lots of fish and chicken. But I'm going to try harder to cook less fattening foods and side dishes. My sides are what get me. I like mashed potatoes with lots of butter and fried things and veggies with bacon. So yeah...gotta cut that crap out. LOL But for now I'm going to enjoy the fact that with little to no effort I was able to fit into a size I haven't been in since my son was born. (almost five years ago)

If I do start cooking lighter I'll try to include some recipes. I'm hoping to get a new cookbook soon and I'll share some of the recipes if I like them. And complain when I don't. LOL I'm still getting ready for the Ozark Memories Day even in Dover. I hope lots of people come with lots of money in their pockets. I'll have necklaces, hats, purses, my home made juju and a couple of baskets made from popsicle sticks. LOL I'm looking forward to it this year. I'll have my own booth and it's gonna be fun.

Well I guess that's about it for now. I hope everyone survived the hurricane on the east coast. And I'll try to post more often. Maybe.

End of Summer

Well I didn't really keep you all posted like I said I would. But then I'm not sure I have that many readers to begin with. So I guess I'm just doing this either because I'm bored or because I enjoy writing. It's probably a little bit of both.
So it's August 9th. Libby had her 10th birthday party and it went really well. She's getting so big. I think I told you all that I took her off her meds for the summer. She's gained all the weight she should have gained before starting the meds thank goodness. So I've decided not to put her back on the meds and she will no longer be in therapy. It was a total waste of time. They were calling her out of class just to ask her how her day was and didn't help her learn any kind of skills. So yeah. That's done. She has done well over the summer. Other then the usual fighting with her brother and the non stop eating anyway. I guess I should be happy that she's eating but it does start to drive you crazy when a kid comes in every ten minutes asking for something else to eat. She looks so much better now though. She grew out of all of her clothes. Madness!
Summer went by fast. I can't believe school starts in a week. I hope it goes by much smoother then it did last year. I was constantly worried about her passing math. I really don't want her to have to be held back. I can't imagine how I would have reacted to that. I nearly cried if I ever failed a class even in college. But then it got to where it was no big deal. LOL But along with school starting that means that fall is almost here. I cannot wait. It has been the hottest driest summer ever. All my plants died and the poor air conditioners have been working non stop. I'll be so happy when I can open a door or a window instead. I much prefer fresh air.
Other then that things are pretty much the same. I have my little craft booth coming up at the end of September. I'm so excited about it. I have a canopy, a table and all my crafty things to sell. So I'm good to go. I'm still making necklaces and bracelets so I'll have a wide variety of stuff. I also have my first crocheted messenger bag and I plan on making more. I have a basket made of popsicle sticks I'm thinking of selling. And I may or may not sell some of my home made "juju" salve for bites, stings and muscle pains. We shall see. But anyway..I've been keeping busy getting ready for that. I hope lots of people come and buy all my stuff.
Well I just thought I'd do a little update. I'm still sane for the most part. Some days I would say no, no I'm not. But I am. I have good days and bad days. I'll be spending most of this year getting Carson prepared for Kindergarten next year. Since he wont be going to preschool I'll do my best to get him ready. So that should keep me pretty busy also. He's so stubborn there is a good chance I'll lose my mind by the end of this year. LOL

Lord let this day be good...LOL

So it's been around 3 weeks since school got out. Libby has taken one pill since then and that was only because we were going to a party I didn't want her to be bouncing off the walls. Amazingly enough she's been doing pretty well without the pill. I've had to deal with the usual fighting and whining but she hasn't been just bouncing off the walls or anything.
Yesterday was a bad day. I really wasn't sure I was going to make it. They were fighting about everything, whining when they didn't get their way and torturing of the kittens. I can't stand it when they mess with the kittens. We have four, five including the mom. And they just can't keep their grubby little paws off of the poor things. Carson likes to throw them or shove them in drawers when I'm in the shower. Libby just wont let them walk at all. She has to be holding them every minute of the day. So not only do I have to deal with that but then I have to actually deal with the kittens chewing and clawing everything thing they see. It's like having 6 kids!
I just don't know if I was built with the ability to handle the stress that children cause. But maybe today will be better and I will not have to freak out on someone. Maybe.

One kidney or two?

So last night me and my husband were discussing someone we know who very much needs a kidney. Apparently a lot of people have been tested but no one has matched so far. This man is young, has a young child and is a firefighter. For some reason I kept thinking wow...that really sucks. He can't be a fireman anymore because of his condition and has been put on a donor list. These lists can take years and years.
So I'm sitting there thinking ya know, if I was a match I would totally donate my kidney. And I was really surprised that I meant it. If I could help one person survive and have a better life I would totally donate my kidney. I mean I've been through surgeries before so I know how much it sucks but what's one day of pain for years of  healthy life for another person? I'm still shocked when I sit and think about it. I mean I don't know if I would even be a match for him but just knowing that if I was I would do this and not even think twice about it just shocks me. I was thinking about it last night and this morning and was like yeah, I would. It never once occurred to me that I would change my mind. And I am such a coward when it comes to giving blood but here I am thinking of donating an organ! When did this happen? When did I stop being so selfish? I mean I did ask my husband what the effects of losing a kidney would be on me? And that sounded awful, worrying about myself when someone else could possibly die without the kidney. But I am a wife and a mother so I have to think about those things. But apparently you would never know it was gone.
So yeah, I'm surprised at myself. And I wouldn't hesitate to go get tested. I may actually ask them if they want me to. The only thing that would stop me would be if my husband didn't want me to. I mean it would affect him to so I would want his input. None of this will probably happen but just knowing that if someone ever needed a kidney that I do have the balls to give them one makes me happy for some reason. Just thought I'd share that. LOL

Drug Free Summer

I took Libby to her doctor appointment yesterday. Took her out of school 30 minutes early and drove 30 miles for a five minute talk with the doctor with gas at nearly 3.70 a gallon. Yeah thanks for that one doc. But basically we decided that we would stop with the medication for the summer. I don't know if this is good or bad. It's good that she wont have to be on meds for awhile and I'll get to see what she's like completely unmedicated. On the bad side this means that she will be bouncing off the walls for three months straight and talking non stop. Hopefully it wont be as bad as I'm thinking. Maybe in the past year she has grown out of it just a teeny tiny bit and she wont be driving me nuts. Plus I can always drop her off with Grandma and Grandpa for a while. LOL

I am really glad she wont be on meds. I don't like the side effects and I really don't like the not eating part. She just isn't hungry at all during the day. She acts like she is starving after school but she'll eat something tiny and think she's done. Kills me. I used to chow down after I got home from school. But then I have always loved food in general. I just wanted to go home, eat something , get a coke and watch tv or listen to music in my room. She is nothing like I was at her age. She wants to come home and be sociable and talk about everything that happened at school. When my parents asked about school I would always answer with either, "it was fine" or "nothing". LOL But then until about 11th grade I hated school.

I am thinking I am going to limit sugar and caffeine and try to keep a record of how she acts. I don't know, it just depends on how into it I want to get. I do know for sure that I am going to make a rule that no one is allowed to wake up before 10 am. Anyone that does will be severely punished. This does not include Carey since he will have to work.

Wish me luck for the summer. I am totally going to need it.

Five Years

So this past Friday the 13th just happened to be my five year wedding anniversary. I have never doubted that we would last but it surprises me that it went by so fast! It just doesn't seem like it's been five years. But looking back at all the things we've been through and experienced I realize that yes it has been that long. Technically we've been together for almost 7 years. We started dating in July of 2004.

A lot of people ask me how we met. And when I tell them they are always surprised. At the time we met things were a little crazy in my life. I was a single mother and a college student. I worked from home so the only time I really got out was when I went to school. And even there I didn't do a lot of socializing. I didn't want to be there so I wasn't always the happiest person in the world. Also a few months prior to me and my husband meeting my father had passed away. We had to sell the house we'd been living in and my mom, my daughter and I moved into an apartment. Then a few months later we moved into another apartment. A bigger one. I had started placing personal ads online because after my father died I kinda had a heart to heart with myself. I started thinking about what I wanted out of life. I wanted to graduate from college, I wanted to get married and have a house of my own. Then later on I wanted to have one more child. I also decided what kind of man I wanted. He had to be older then me, not opposed to children and had to have a job. I believe on my personal ad I described the perfect marriage as being like Roseanne and Dan Connor.

So after a few months of chatting with this or that guy and a few very awful meetings with this or that guy I got an email from someone new. We chatted for a while and realized we had some mutual friends and liked a lot of the same things. So finally I asked him if he'd like to go to a movie with me. He said yes and away we went. We went to the theater and watched Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. That was his first test. If he didn't think that was funny then it just wouldn't have worked out. LOL After the movie we drove around and talked. I was more comfortable with him on the first date then I had been with other guys after months of dating.

After a few very friendly dates we went to Branson together with my daughter. We had a great time and from then on we were inseparable. That winter we became engaged and decided to get married in May 2006. We got married and about two months later found out I was pregnant with our son Carson. He was born February 2007. Also I will ad that in October of 2006 my husband legally adopted my daughter. It was a wonderful day for me. I no longer had to worry about her biological father (aka douche bag). Since then things have been wonderful. I've never met any other man like him. And I doubt I ever will. He knows what I'm thinking most times and always knows exactly what I like. It's almost freaky.

But yeah, so five years married. It's crazy, I hear people talk about how things change a lot after you've been married for so long. But the only thing different I think is that we know each other better then ever and we are comfortable being ourselves around each other. I still want to look nice around him but I don't care if he sees me with my roots showing and no make up on. I don't care if I forgot to shave my legs or I have a huge zit. It just doesn't matter in the long run. He thinks I look great either way. I still think he's as hot as he ever was. Especially when I watch him working on something. I can't explain it. There is just something about watching a man working with his hands. LOL I still get excited when he walks in the door and I can't imagine a day when I wont look forward to it. I know I know...things change, people change. But I just can't imagine being any other way.

So here's to another five or another 55. Cause I know as long as I'm alive I want to be married to this man. :)

name change again...

While I am still doing the hot at 30 project I have changed the name to The Sane at 30 Project. Mainly because it seems like things are getting more and more insane in my life and around my life as time goes on. So I think it will be far more difficult to maintain my sanity for two more years then it will be to lose weight.

I will continue to post about my weightloss fiasco and whatnot but I think I was putting too much pressure on myself because of this blog. I felt bad that I was sticking to what I said and felt stupid for having started talking about it in the first place. But yeah, I'll keep you posted on that.

But for now keeping my sanity is far more important and far harder then losing some poundage. My kids are driving me nuts and it's only going to get worse. Summer vacation is only four weeks away which means I will have both kids for 24 hours of every day for the next three months. I feel the need to insert this quote, "HELP ME TOM CRUISE! HELP ME JEWISH GOD!" Must give props to Ricky Bobby on that one.

Also I have lost my mind in thinking that I need to take Libby off her ADHD meds for the summer. I want to see what she's like completely off meds and possible see about keeping her off them. They make her mood swing like crazy and since she's quickly approaching puberty I feel the need to stop these before it gets worse.

So yeah...keep ya posted.

Stuff...

So big news...Osama Bin Laden is dead by American hands. That's pretty awesome. I remember when 9/11 happened. I was in college and everyone had cell phones (except me) and were looking at messages like crazy. I finally asked somebody what happened. And when I heard the name Osama Bin Laden I felt like a total dumb blonde. Who the hell was Osama Bin Laden? And why would he want to fly planes into the twin towers?

Our teacher sent us home to watch history instead of learn about it. I went home to my one month old daughter and turned on the news. It was being replayed over and over again, the planes crashing and the towers falling. I cried like a freaking baby. I didn't know anyone who died in the towers or on the planes but having been to New York and knowing people who live in the area and just the fact that so many people died due to one man's terrorism was gut wrenching. I couldn't stop watching and I couldn't stop crying. My then boyfriend told me that I "care to much". I thought man what an asshole. How can you care too much? I still get a little teary when I watch things about it and remember how I felt at that moment. I knew that my daughter would be growing up in a very different world then I did.

So last night the President breaks in to tell us the news. I almost cried a couple of times. I was a little pissed off that I missed who got fired off the the Apprentice but it was worth it. Btw..it was Hope. She got fired. But now what? I mean I am so glad he's gone. I know a lot of people don't believe in killing other people yadda yadda yadda. But he is one person that the world is better off without. I don't enjoy the thought of people dying anymore then the next person but he needed to go.

In other news I'm gonna have to start building a freaking ark if the rain doesn't let up sometime soon. It's been raining off and on for about a week or two. I'm sick of it. I never thought I'd say this but I am so ready for the heat and sun. I have been in tropical mood lately, just look at my facebook profile picture. It's palm trees, island water and a hammock. I wish I had a hammock. But then I wouldn't be able to use it since it's freaking raining all the time.

Diet not going so well at the moment. I have been drinking a ton of water though. Just between being sick and this weather I haven't been the right frame of mind. But I am thinking I am going to try one of the exercise things I've already got. I mean why not? I already paid for it and I'm sure it would work fine if I did it on a regular basis. So yeah...gotta get going on that.

I'm kinda starting to get the skunk look going on. My roots are coming in a lot lighter then I remember them being and the rest of my hair kind of quit fading. So I have black at the bottom, dark to light brown going up and blonde roots. I was hoping to let this dye grow out so I wouldn't have to damage my hair with bleach. But I guess it depends on how stupid I start to look. I had considered doing brown highlights just to break it up a bit. But then that would mean more hair dye and more work. I think I'll just leave it alone.

Later.

Slacking already...

Well I was going to post on Monday but forgot between bouts of severe weather and a sick kid. Just a cold but you know how sick kids are. So Monday I didn't get to exercise, I found ants all over my kitchen counter and my wood burning stove decided to leak from all the rain we've been getting so creosote was all over my floor. So I had to mop that nasty crap up and do a thorough cleaning of all my counter tops. Unfortunately the stove is still leaking and the ants are still coming back two by two. (hurrah hurrah)

So Tuesday went much the same way with the addition of more sever weather and me being sick as well. Not sure if it's a cold or allergies but I feel awful. I know, I know, excuses excuses. But I fully intend to see this project through. I know I am a generally lazy person. I enjoy sitting with a good book rather then hiking outdoors. But I do need to get into shape sooner rather then later. So maybe next Monday I can fulfill this exercise part of the the Hot at 30 Project. Plus I've found a super new exercise that I know it something I could stick to. So I have to order the DVD and get an exercise ball and some drum sticks. Sound weird? I'll explain.

While reading the paper yesterday morning I came across an article about a new exercise program called Drums Alive. It's basically beating on a big yoga ball with drum sticks while also moving your body in an aerobic fashion. It's like dancing and drumming all at the same time. It looks like so much fun! And that's what I've always wanted to find, a workout that was fun and still effective. So I've decided I am going to order this DVD and stick to it. Apparently it is so new to the US that they are actively seeking instructors for this exercise program. I know I am not the usual type to do something like that but I could almost see myself, my much thinner self, teaching other people how to do this. I think anyone who enjoys Zumba would enjoy Drums Alive also. The music is similar and it's almost like dancing. So yeah, that is where I'm at with the exercise portion of this project.

Now on to skin care. I've had a breakthrough! I was watching a youtube video where this very young girl explains how she gets her skin to look so amazing. She talked about using aloe on your face. Now I love aloe and have used it for years for lotions and things. I just never thought to use it on my face when I don't have a sunburn. She showed a product from GNC that is 99% aloe vera gel. It's cheap, about 1.50 a bottle if you buy two, at least that's the deal I got. So I bought two tubes on Saturday and started using it that night. It feels and smells amazing. Your skin feels so soft after putting it on and it's not greasy at all. Not one teeny tiny bit. It soaks in immediately. I've been using it in the morning after my shower and at night after I wash my face. I can already see a difference. My skin feels smoother, redness is going away and the zits I had are going away. I haven't noticed any new zits popping up either. And that's amazing. Usually (pardon the TMI) during that time of the month I have zits popping up everywhere. So I would say it's doing something. I will keep you posted on how it's working after a few more weeks.

As for the healthy eating....well Easter  happened to healthy eating. There was candy everywhere and you can't expect me to not have a few pieces here and there. Especially when I'm stressed out over storms.....yeah that's it. Stressed out over storms. But I promise I will get it together. Especially once I get that new DVD. I'm kinda weird in with stuff like this. I like to start doing everything all at once in order to achieve maximum results. So I hate to start eating better when I don't have all the exercising stuff together and vice versa.

Plus I will be grocery shopping soon. So I will be able to pick out some healthier snack food. Cause I am a total snacker. I love having something to nibble on during the day and I usually go for something easy, something I can just grab and go with. So I need healthy grab and go stuff.

Well I guess that's about it for today. I will update you when I can. I hope you all stay safe from the storms we keep having.

The Hot at 30 Project

So I have come up with a new project. The Hot at 30 Project. In almost a year and a half I will be 30 years old. That's not old by today's standards but to me, it feels like I'm getting old. I stay at home all the time, I have two children that wear me out every day, I'm sore when I wake up in the morning, I'm always tired and the best part of the day is getting into bed at night. It shouldn't be like this. I should still be energetic and ready to take on the day at this age. Right now I am 28 years old. I will be 29 on October 26th of this year. I don't mind that I am getting older I just don't want to look older then I am.

Have you ever seen an actress or someone you know but haven't seen in a while that is the same age or even slightly older then you and realize wow, they look so much younger then me? I hate that. I hate seeing a famous actress on tv that is actually older then me but looks ten years younger then me. It gets depressing after a while. Especially when you start to notice that you no longer get carded and people are calling you Ma'am. I despise being called Ma'am. It makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs, "JUST BECAUSE I'M A MOM DOESN'T MEAN I'M GETTING OLD! JUST BECAUSE I DON'T DRESS IN SKINNY JEANS AND WEAR MY BANGS OVER ONE EYE DOESN'T MAKE ME OLD EITHER! DAMMIT REFER TO ME AS YOUNG LADY!"  Ok, now that that's over with.....

So I decided while watching Sex and the City 2 that I was going to do something about this. Why during SATC 2 you ask? Well I was sitting there looking at Kim Cattrall who plays Samantha. She looks freaking hot! And I don't know how old she really is but in the movie she's supposed to be 52. I was thinking to myself that if I looked half as good as she does when I'm that old that I'll be doing awesome. But then I realized that I don't even look or feel that good right now. So I've decided to do something about it. I'm going to be hot at 30 if it kills me. I need to drops some poundage and start taking better care of my skin first of all. I can already see a few teeny tiny wrinkles trying to work their way under my eyes. And that combined with still having zits is such bullshit. It's just not fair that I have this weird combination of puberty and aging going on.

So starting Monday (since I always like to start things at the beginning of a week) I will restart my Wii fit exercise program. I will do it five days a week even if I hate it and feel like crap. I will also restart trying to drink a gallon of water a day. I don't know if it's possible since I normally don't drink a gallon of anything during the day but I'm gonna try dammit! I will also try to limit the amount of sugar I take in and start eating much more fresh fruits and veggies. Since it's almost summer that shouldn't be to hard to do with all the fresh stuff popping up out of the ground.

So Monday it is. I will try to update daily and I will debate on whether I want to disclose my weight on this blog. I really don't want to but I probably should just so maybe you guys can keep me honest. So I'll see you on Monday after my workout hopefully. Wish me luck ;)

Random-ness

So I dyed my hair black again about six to eight weeks ago. I have new growth and I'm seriously considering letting grow out. I have done the whole color removal thing a few times but I think I'm just gonna grow this crap out this time. If it starts to look crappy I may have to bleach it but I'd rather not.

Also cut my bangs myself. It's a Bettie Page style cut. I like it, I am used to it now but am also considering letting it grow out. I am just too used to not having things on my forehead I guess. I don't know we'll see. It's my inner yearning to be a hippie I think. I love the long long long hair you see on all those hippie girls. So I may just go that route. One minute I wanna be a hippie the next a pin up. Is there no in between? LOL

Got new ear plugs today. And it hurt like a bitch. Well I say that but it was really more of a stinging sensation then anything. I'd like to go bigger, right now I'm at a 6g. Not sure how big I wanna go but I like the way they look. Husband doesn't like the big ones so much. I don't want like saucers on my ears or anything but I'd like them to be big enough that you can see them. Brenda (super awesome body piercer/ ear stretcher person) says that if I do go bigger and decide to take them out they will return to former shape eventually. Not sure about that but hey...who cares. I'm gonna get all old and saggy eventually anyway. LOL

It's warm out now. I'm actually really enjoying it. At night not so much but during the day I love it. I am enjoying keeping the doors and windows open. Bugs are already out and I hate that but I'll just have to deal with it.

Friday....SCREAM 4!!! Going to see it in the theater with one of my bestest friends ever. Should be awesome. :)

The Perfect fit...

Ok, I had a thought yesterday about jeans and how jeans can relate to just about anything else that is going on in your life. Just stay with me a minute.

Finding the perfect pair of jeans is next to impossible. Either they are too tight in some spots, too loose in some spots, they slide down your butt, they are too long in the leg or they come up way over your belly button. It's just really hard to find a pair that make your body look the way you want it to. But when you do finally find that perfect fitting and feeling pair of jeans you buy as many pairs as you can knowing that they next time you come back they either wont be there or they wont have your size anymore. Once you have these perfect jeans in your possession you wear them all the time, with anything, to any occasion and you feel fabulous the whole time. They make everything else you own fit and look better on you then it ever did before. And when you've finally worn a hole in them somewhere you are devastated and do everything you can to either fix it or make it look like they were meant to have a hole there. "Of course I knew about that hole on my butt, it's the new style!" Who cares if your underwear (or lack there of) is showing? You would rather jump of the next bridge then get rid of the most perfect jeans in the world!

Now imagine using this view of jeans on every other part of your life. Say you substitute the world husband for jeans. You found the most perfect fitting husband in the world. So you married him (bought him) and you wear him everywhere, he makes you feel like a new woman, a better woman and you feel fabulous with him around. Then one day you notice things aren't as perfect as they used to be when things were new and fabulous. There's a hole. I find that most people tend to throw away marriages easier then they do jeans. It's like a cotton/spandex blend pair of pants are worth  more then this person that you  chose to spend the rest of your life with. I think you should at least put as much work and effort into your marriage as you would your favorite pair of jeans. If there's a hole, fix it up and make it look chic. "Yes of course! Fighting is the new thing! Sleeping on the couch is the new in thing!" Hopefully you aren't always fighting and sleeping on the couch but you get my point. Why do we put more effort into our material things then we do with our relationships?

Luckily I have found the perfect fitting husband. And so far there are no holes there. But if there ever was a hole I would much rather patch it up and proudly wear my marriage like it was still brand spanking new. If at your 50 or 60th anniversary you are more like a patchwork quilt then the perfect pair of jeans, at least you know you are worn in and comfortable. You can point out each patch and say, "Look, we went through that and here we still are." Unfortunately for me though, it was far easier to find the perfect fitting husband then it is to find the perfect fitting jeans. :)

Spring has sprung...

So it's already April. Spring is here. I love spring, really I do. I enjoy the cool but somewhat warm temps, I enjoy the flowers and the trees coming back to life. I also enjoy the smell of freshly cut grass, even when it makes me sneeze.

Today is beautiful. Not too cold, not too warm and lots of sunshine. After four days of clouds, cold and rain it is a welcome sight. It's days like today that I wish I was one of those athletic type girls that rides a mountain bike and climbs rock walls. I seriously wish I was in that kind of shape. I love being outside, not being hot, I love swimming but not with tons of people around to see my jiggles and neon white spots. But yes it would be nice to be able to enjoy the outdoors with my kids and not get tired.

My mission for this summer is to spend more time outdoors. I plan on taking my kids swimming at some point. I can't remember a summer when I was a kid that I did not go swimming. I would have considered it child abuse if my mother didn't take us swimming somewhere. So yeah, my kids need to be exposed to the water. Which means I will have to purchase a bathing suit. Which means I need to work on my jiggly bits too. Summer always makes me want to drink more water and eat fresh food so maybe that will all kick in and I'll be able to drop some pounds while having fun with the kiddos.

That is if I don't get sucked into the cokes, the ice cream and candy bars.

Terrible 2s? Try terrible 2s, 3s, 4s......

It has been one of those days when you seriously consider becoming an alcoholic just to deal with it all. It's the first day to back to school after spring break. You'd think that would be a good thing, one kid gone most of the day so I get a break right? Hell no! My son who is just over four years old has decided to wage a war on me for some reason. His favorite words are no, I don't want to, and why. Normally that would be easy to deal with. But when you hear all of those words  repeatedly to the point that every time you hear them your blood pressure reaches dangerous levels and you wish you could just scream it's a bit excessive.

Now not only does he say these horrid words but he also has vile actions to use as well. For example, this morning. I wake up and go about my usual business. Reach into the freezer above the fridge to get some ice for my daughter's drink. I notice the ice is a little well...wet. So I feel everything else, sausage patties, frozen waffles, ice cream sandwiches, yeast rolls, all these things are soft as well. So I quickly transfer them into the big freezer. I'm thinking this whole time that the freezer is just about to die on me so I get pissed off about how much money we will need to spend to replace the entire fridge. I go about making breakfast for Libby and also make a new batch of koolaid. I put that in the fridge and notice it's not very cold in there either. I just happen to look at the temperature knob....it's turned OFF! I now realize that my son has at some point the previous day turned off the fridge and everything will soon rot if it hasn't already. I turn it back on and silently fume to myself since no one else who cares was awake yet. Of course when he does wake up he denies the whole thing. But later in the day I notice he's been in there again and has moved the knob to the coldest temp. I yell and explain why he cannot do this. I don't think it has sunken in.

His other form of parental torture is the toilet. He likes to take small and sometimes rather large toys and attempt to flush them down the toilet. Hotwheels, Mr. Potato Head glasses, play doh supplies. Anything he can get his grubby little paws on and will fit in the toilet he will try to flush. Today it was an ant trap I had placed in the bathroom to get rid of the ants that seem to be immune to the bait. I caught him in there repeatedly flushing the toilet trying to get the floating trap to go down. I am sure my face was probably purple by this point. So I removed all the toys from the bathroom, at least moved them out of his reach. We will see if this helps my problem.

One thing I cannot stand is when I complain about these things that drive me completely insane there is inevitably some older mom or grandmother there to tell me "welcome to motherhood" or "paybacks a bitch". I honestly commend myself for not punching these people straight in the face. I do not recall ever flushing my toys down the toilet. I don't think I should have to listen to these "experienced" mothers patronize me like I'm some infant that just gave birth two days ago. I have been dealing with this for 9 years. Almost 10! I don't need to hear these comments, I need to hear answers, suggestions, common stories to make me feel better. Let me know that it's almost over, these terrible years of stress and sleeplessness. Instead I get, "Enjoy them while you can", "they wont be this cute forever". To this I say, your idea of cute and mine are two very different things. So unless you are commiserating with me, shut the hell up. Unless you are offering to watch them or clean my house, leave me alone. Unless you are bringing me some sort of adult beverage or taking me out to a free meal, bite me. 

Anti Feminist?

I've been thinking lately about feminism. I would definitely say I am not a feminist, but I am for equal rights if that makes any sense at all. I always associate feminists with those crazy women who refuse to shave, wear bras and wear make up. I will admit shaving is a pain in the butt but there really is nothing like a freshly shaven leg when you're cuddling with your husband. ;) I love my bras, while they are binding and sometimes uncomfortable, they make me feel perky and that is reason enough for me. I don't wear much make up but what I do wear I feel naked without. So those are just the superficial reasons I don't consider myself a feminist. I also realize they were all about getting women out of the house and into the workforce with equal pay and benefits that men get.

I am all for getting a job when you need to and supporting your family. I am all for women breaking through the glass ceiling. But I am also very happy being at home. Some people find that difficult to understand. It's not because I'm lazy and don't want to get a job, although I do admit to being pretty lazy. I enjoy being the one that takes care of my family. I like knowing that my husband has clean clothes because of me, he has food on the table after work because I cooked it, and I love being there when he walks through the door. Now this going to sound completely cheesy to a lot of you but I still get excited when it's almost time for my husband to get home. He get's off work at 5 pm and either before that time or at exactly 5 I start cooking dinner. Most things I cook don't take more then 30 to 45 minutes to prepare. So while he's driving home I'm busy in the kitchen cooking something for the family to eat. And while I'm doing that I keep an eye on the window for his truck to turn the corner onto our street. It's been almost 5 years since we got married and I can't help that I still wait with anticipation for him to come home. There is an extreme feeling of calm that comes over me the minute he walks through that door. I just feel better when he's home with me,even if he's out in the shop, just knowing that he is there makes the tension go away. (Unless the kids are being super insane that is!) So I cannot imagine not being there when he walks in the door at night. It would take away one of the best parts of my day.

Another thing that I love about being a stay at home wife and mom is being there for my kids. I don't have to call in on snow days or sick days, I don't have to drop them off with babysitters and daycares knowing how much I would be missing out on. Not that there is anything wrong with that, my daughter had to go to daycare while I was in college and she loved it. But I hated it. I felt guilty for her having to be there and felt like I missed out on a lot of things she learned in that time. Somehow when they start school it's different. You know they have to be there so you don't feel so bad. They are experiencing the things you can only experience through school. But while at school, I am home preparing things for them in many different ways. Clothes and sheets get washed, floors are mopped and vacuumed, trash is taken out, meals and snacks are prepared...just general homemaking. Some people say it's good to set an example of a woman working in the household so daughters can see that women can be self supporting. I think that's bull. I mean  yes, it is a good example but doing what I do is possibly one of the hardest jobs in the world. I get frustrated, I look awful at the end of the day and I don't get enough sleep. I also don't get paid for all the things I do. Yes I do complain about the kids driving me insane and I do complain about having to clean up messes all the time, but I don't think i would change anything.

I truly believe that I would have made the perfect 50's housewife. I can just picture me in the dress with the apron waiting by the door when my husband got home with his cocktail of choice and dinner waiting on the table. I do believe that the man should be the head of his family, it just seems to make sense to me. I consider me and my husband equals in our marriage so don't go nuts thinking that I don't have any say about anything. I just think that as the one that earns the money, provides all the food, clothing and resources that he should be the one in charge. He may not think that way, or at least he doesn't come out and say it, but I do. I like it that way. I know certain people think I let him decide everything for me or that he doesn't allow me to do things but that is just bullshit. He hasn't ever told me not to do something that I really wanted to do. He gives me suggestions and his opinions but he would never force me into anything. So there! *insert tongue sticking out 2  year old face here*

Am I anti feminism? Nah... Am I a feminist? Nah... I'm something in between. I am the new model 50's housewife. And when I do get a job when my son starts school I will probably enjoy the paycheck and getting out of the house. But I know I will miss being home with the kids and I will probably be stressed out even more having the keep up the house and maintain a job. But until then I am going to enjoy things the way they are now. 

10 years ago...

So my 10 year high school reunion in coming up this October. My first gut reaction was, no I'm not going. But then for a brief moment I thought, well...maybe I should go. There are a few people from high school that aren't on Facebook and I have no idea what happened to them after high school and college. There are two people I would like to see what they've done with themselves. Elizabeth Grace and Michael Pennington. They were two of the nicest people I've met. Elizabeth was a quiet red head that had a very unexpected Celtic tattoo on the back of her neck. Michael was one of the "popular" skater type guys that was nice to just about everyone that I know of. I saw them both in college and had the opportunity to get to know them both a little better. Elizabeth was very soft spoken and polite. I wish I knew what happened to them both. The only thing I heard about Michael after college was his father passed away. And it wasn't long after my own father passed so I felt awful for him. But anyway...
I didn't have a terrible high school experience. I mean it had it's moments that sucked beyond belief but it also had some moments that I hope I never forget. There were the snobs, the preps, the stoners, the loners, all the typical stereotypes for high school teenagers. I like to think that I was friendly to everyone when in reality I probably wasn't. I wasn't and still am not a huge people person. I have a few people that I love to talk to and see occasionally. We all have our own families and jobs and things so it's hard to see each other as much as I'd like. But I think we are closer now then ever. (You all know who you are!) But I had a variety of different types of friends but I didn't have a huge social life with them. Most of the people I did stuff with outside of school were people I didn't go to school with. Either people I worked with or people I met through other people. Usually older then me because they were friends of my sister's. I enjoyed my junior and senior year of high school. I had good friends and  some awesome teachers in that time. No boyfriend drama like in 10th grade. I had a boyfriend for part of junior year and all of my senior year but it wasn't the same drama as 10th grade when I was dating someone in high school. I don't recommend dating people you go to school with. It gets ugly and then the whole school knows about it.
The main thing I didn't like about high school were the "preppy kids". Not because they had more money or because they had nicer clothes. But because of their attitude. They treated other people like dirt or ignored them completely. I honestly didn't care if they ignored me but it would have been nice to be treated like I was worth their time. Some of them were polite but standoffish. Especially if their "cool" friends were around. I think that was worse the being ignored completely. The ones that were your friend in a certain class but then as soon as you stepped out of those doors they acted like you didn't exist. I hope I didn't do that to anyone. If I did I didn't mean to. Another thing that bugged the shit out of me was the so called "skater guys". They dressed grungy, messed with skateboards all the time and usually were involved in bands or art in some way. Usually there were one or two that I thought were hot. They listened to the same kind of music as me, they watched a lot of the same shows as me and attended some of the same concerts. But they never dated the girls that acted like them. Instead they wanted the cheerleaders and the preppy girls. I can understand they wanted to be with hot girls but what about the girls that actually had things in common with them? That's what I don't understand about the teenage boy. They want the hot girl but when it comes down to it they have nothing in common. So instead of going with the equally hot girls that just happen to dress a little different they waste time on the girls the rest of us despise. Oh well...it's one of life's mysteries that will never be figured out I guess.
Well I was recently told that I would be seen as a coward if I did not attend my class reunion. I call bullshit on that one. Just because I don't want to make myself uncomfortable and be around people that haven't changed one bit since high school doesn't make me a coward. I think it makes me..well me. I don't like crowds, I don't like a lot of the people that are organizing the reunion and I don't like most of the  people that are attending. They still make fun of people that they haven't seen in a decade, that tells me that it wont be a good time. I would hate to snap in front of all these people and give them something to talk about for the next decade. I could try to lose 50 lbs and walk in there looking awesome like I'm Andy from Pretty in Pink, "I just want them to know they didn't break me." The truth is they didn't break me in high school, they aren't going to break me now. I like who I was then, I love who I am now. I am a college graduate, I am a mother of two beautiful children, and the wife of an amazing man. I have a comfortable home full of things I love and while things may not always be perfect I wouldn't change anything. I don't know what all of my classmates are up to but if they are happy, then I'm happy for them. I don't have to have their successes rubbed in my face and I wont rub mine in theirs. I think while they are having their little party I'll be home with my family knowing that I am just as successful as the rest of them. And for the ones I missed that I would truly like to see, I'm sorry and maybe someday we'll run into each other.
I probably sound bitter, and in truth I probably am. I have friends that were treated much worse then I was, I was fortunate to be surrounded by friends that watched my back. But some of them didn't. Some people were made fun of for stupid things, some were ignored because they didn't belong to the right church, didn't go to the right parties and weren't involved in school activities. I did none of those things, I didn't go to a church, I didn't participate in anything other then choir and I didn't have money. I was lucky enough to get a car my junior year because I had a job. I was lucky enough to have friends that were always around me. And I'm lucky now that I can still call some of them friends or even best friends. It's ten years later and while not much seems to have changed I know that I have. I hope when my children are in high school they are the type of person that wont judge others based on how they look or dress but by their actions. I want my kids to not suffer the torment so many of us endure through our school years. But I know that at some point they probably will. I just hope they can handle it and move on knowing that high school isn't forever.

So tired...

It's 2:45 on Tuesday. It's cloudy and rainy and I'm sleepy. I slept extremely well except for having to get up once to get Carson a drink and then use the bathroom. So I have no idea why I am so tired today. Maybe it's the dreary rain, maybe I'm just tired. I'm tired of being tired. I wake up ready to go but then as the day goes on I just get more and more tired. It would be one thing if I was tired because I'd done something, but I do the same things every day. Oh well...just tired I guess.
I know my morning routine needs to change. Libby is on new medication for her ADHD and for sleeping. Her old medicine kept wearing off too early and then it would be impossible for her to sleep at night or it would take hours for her to fall asleep. She'd just lay awake at night staring at the ceiling and imagine creepy things were coming to get her. So the new meds are good. The ADHD meds seem to be doing just as good if not better then the other one. It seems to last longer and her grades at school have seemed to improve. The sleeping medication is a little harder on her I think. It helps her sleep much better then anything else we've tried but it also makes it a lot harder for her to get up in the morning. She is grouchy and sleepy and generally not fun to be around. I am not that much of a morning person either but I get up and get going as fast as I can and try to do it in a polite way. She was just acting like a monster this morning. She didn't want to get out of the bed, then it took her a long time to decide what to wear, then complained that it was too cold in the house, then complained that there wasn't anything to eat for breakfast although I gave her several different options. She settled on a frozen waffle with butter and jelly on it. She ate it and asked if there was time for another one. Of course there wasn't because it took her so long just to get out of bed and get ready. So she about cried over that and finally decided to eat a slice of bread with peanut butter on it. That took forever as well. It was 7:25 at this point and she still had to put shoes on, brush her hair and teeth and get her backpack ready before the bus arrived at 7:40. Some people would think that 15 minutes would be plenty of time to do all those things but they have obviously have not dealt with my child. It takes what seems like a huge amount of time for her to accomplish these things in the morning and the mood only makes it that much worse. She eventually got all these things done and made it to the bus on time. But by that time I am worn out and I feel stressed for the rest of my day. It's a constant effort on my part to keep her going in the morning.
I have encountered many people who don't think my daughter has ADHD or that I am too strict in one way or another. And until Libby started showing symptoms I admit I thought giving your kids medication for ADD or ADHD was just a way to keep them sedated throughout the day. But they, and I, were wrong. My daughter does not do all the things that other kids her age do. Don't get me wrong, she's smart, very bright, friendly, funny, she loves to play and do all those things. But she can't do anything for more then a few minutes without getting bored, frustrated or annoyed and giving up and moving on to something else. That was before the medication anyway. She has to be constantly reminded to do the most simple things that people do every day. If I didn't tell her to put shoes on in the morning I am pretty sure she would walk out to the bus wearing only socks, that is if she even made it to the bus. She has to be reminded to eat, to sleep, to brush her teeth, to get dressed, to drink a drink, to shower, pretty much anything. She has issues with school work and hates having to practice. Most kids do but then most kids aren't bringing home F's and D's all the time. I want her to be able to grow up and have options as to what she does with her life. And if she can't make it through school I worry that she wont have many options.
I get tired of people telling me that she shouldn't be on medication. I hate that she has to take a pill every day. I seriously do. But if she didn't, she would not be able to function in a school environment. But I still get looks from people that seem to be accusing me of making my child into a zombie just so I don't have to work so hard with her. That is not the case at all. I would much rather not have her take medication and do well on her own. And hopefully some day she will. But it's so annoying that people do this. They just don't understand what it's like. There is a huge difference between a hyper child and a child with ADHD. If it was just energy she needed to work off that would be fine. But this is more then that. She literally bounces off the walls and does not stop talking the entire day if she doesn't take her medication. The one day I sent her to school without medication this year she brought home a note saying she didn't stop talking long enough to do a paper and had received an F. So when it comes down to a choice between failing school or taking a pill once a day, I'm sorry but I have to choose that pill.
But besides school there are so many other things I worry about for her. She is impulsive, seems to lack so of that common sense that we seem to get as we get older. And that makes me worry about her as a teenager. I realize they are all like that when they are teens. But multiply the normal teenager by 50 and you'll understand why I worry. I keep hoping that she'll grow out of this by then but right now it doesn't seem to be getting better. She'll be 10 in August. I remember when I was 10 and I was a very different kid. I know we are all different at that age and I had some different life experience that made me the way I was but she is different from the kids in her class as well. Maybe it'll just take her a little longer to mature, and I hope that's all it is. I know one of these days I'll look back and tell her about all the worry I went through and laugh when she has her own rowdy children. But for now I'm tired. I'm stressed and I will continue to worry.
And for all the people that judge me and my family because of this, back the hell off. These are my kids and I'll raise them as I see fit. I am the one that is with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm the one that deals with the emotions, the teachers, the grades, the worry, the nightmares, the weightloss, the crying, the frustration. It's me and my husband doing this the best way we know how. For anyone that does not live with us to pass any sort of judgment is doing so out of ignorance for our situation.