It has been one of those days when you seriously consider becoming an alcoholic just to deal with it all. It's the first day to back to school after spring break. You'd think that would be a good thing, one kid gone most of the day so I get a break right? Hell no! My son who is just over four years old has decided to wage a war on me for some reason. His favorite words are no, I don't want to, and why. Normally that would be easy to deal with. But when you hear all of those words repeatedly to the point that every time you hear them your blood pressure reaches dangerous levels and you wish you could just scream it's a bit excessive.
Now not only does he say these horrid words but he also has vile actions to use as well. For example, this morning. I wake up and go about my usual business. Reach into the freezer above the fridge to get some ice for my daughter's drink. I notice the ice is a little well...wet. So I feel everything else, sausage patties, frozen waffles, ice cream sandwiches, yeast rolls, all these things are soft as well. So I quickly transfer them into the big freezer. I'm thinking this whole time that the freezer is just about to die on me so I get pissed off about how much money we will need to spend to replace the entire fridge. I go about making breakfast for Libby and also make a new batch of koolaid. I put that in the fridge and notice it's not very cold in there either. I just happen to look at the temperature knob....it's turned OFF! I now realize that my son has at some point the previous day turned off the fridge and everything will soon rot if it hasn't already. I turn it back on and silently fume to myself since no one else who cares was awake yet. Of course when he does wake up he denies the whole thing. But later in the day I notice he's been in there again and has moved the knob to the coldest temp. I yell and explain why he cannot do this. I don't think it has sunken in.
His other form of parental torture is the toilet. He likes to take small and sometimes rather large toys and attempt to flush them down the toilet. Hotwheels, Mr. Potato Head glasses, play doh supplies. Anything he can get his grubby little paws on and will fit in the toilet he will try to flush. Today it was an ant trap I had placed in the bathroom to get rid of the ants that seem to be immune to the bait. I caught him in there repeatedly flushing the toilet trying to get the floating trap to go down. I am sure my face was probably purple by this point. So I removed all the toys from the bathroom, at least moved them out of his reach. We will see if this helps my problem.
One thing I cannot stand is when I complain about these things that drive me completely insane there is inevitably some older mom or grandmother there to tell me "welcome to motherhood" or "paybacks a bitch". I honestly commend myself for not punching these people straight in the face. I do not recall ever flushing my toys down the toilet. I don't think I should have to listen to these "experienced" mothers patronize me like I'm some infant that just gave birth two days ago. I have been dealing with this for 9 years. Almost 10! I don't need to hear these comments, I need to hear answers, suggestions, common stories to make me feel better. Let me know that it's almost over, these terrible years of stress and sleeplessness. Instead I get, "Enjoy them while you can", "they wont be this cute forever". To this I say, your idea of cute and mine are two very different things. So unless you are commiserating with me, shut the hell up. Unless you are offering to watch them or clean my house, leave me alone. Unless you are bringing me some sort of adult beverage or taking me out to a free meal, bite me.
Adventures of a wild young Bohemian.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Anti Feminist?
I've been thinking lately about feminism. I would definitely say I am not a feminist, but I am for equal rights if that makes any sense at all. I always associate feminists with those crazy women who refuse to shave, wear bras and wear make up. I will admit shaving is a pain in the butt but there really is nothing like a freshly shaven leg when you're cuddling with your husband. ;) I love my bras, while they are binding and sometimes uncomfortable, they make me feel perky and that is reason enough for me. I don't wear much make up but what I do wear I feel naked without. So those are just the superficial reasons I don't consider myself a feminist. I also realize they were all about getting women out of the house and into the workforce with equal pay and benefits that men get.
I am all for getting a job when you need to and supporting your family. I am all for women breaking through the glass ceiling. But I am also very happy being at home. Some people find that difficult to understand. It's not because I'm lazy and don't want to get a job, although I do admit to being pretty lazy. I enjoy being the one that takes care of my family. I like knowing that my husband has clean clothes because of me, he has food on the table after work because I cooked it, and I love being there when he walks through the door. Now this going to sound completely cheesy to a lot of you but I still get excited when it's almost time for my husband to get home. He get's off work at 5 pm and either before that time or at exactly 5 I start cooking dinner. Most things I cook don't take more then 30 to 45 minutes to prepare. So while he's driving home I'm busy in the kitchen cooking something for the family to eat. And while I'm doing that I keep an eye on the window for his truck to turn the corner onto our street. It's been almost 5 years since we got married and I can't help that I still wait with anticipation for him to come home. There is an extreme feeling of calm that comes over me the minute he walks through that door. I just feel better when he's home with me,even if he's out in the shop, just knowing that he is there makes the tension go away. (Unless the kids are being super insane that is!) So I cannot imagine not being there when he walks in the door at night. It would take away one of the best parts of my day.
Another thing that I love about being a stay at home wife and mom is being there for my kids. I don't have to call in on snow days or sick days, I don't have to drop them off with babysitters and daycares knowing how much I would be missing out on. Not that there is anything wrong with that, my daughter had to go to daycare while I was in college and she loved it. But I hated it. I felt guilty for her having to be there and felt like I missed out on a lot of things she learned in that time. Somehow when they start school it's different. You know they have to be there so you don't feel so bad. They are experiencing the things you can only experience through school. But while at school, I am home preparing things for them in many different ways. Clothes and sheets get washed, floors are mopped and vacuumed, trash is taken out, meals and snacks are prepared...just general homemaking. Some people say it's good to set an example of a woman working in the household so daughters can see that women can be self supporting. I think that's bull. I mean yes, it is a good example but doing what I do is possibly one of the hardest jobs in the world. I get frustrated, I look awful at the end of the day and I don't get enough sleep. I also don't get paid for all the things I do. Yes I do complain about the kids driving me insane and I do complain about having to clean up messes all the time, but I don't think i would change anything.
I truly believe that I would have made the perfect 50's housewife. I can just picture me in the dress with the apron waiting by the door when my husband got home with his cocktail of choice and dinner waiting on the table. I do believe that the man should be the head of his family, it just seems to make sense to me. I consider me and my husband equals in our marriage so don't go nuts thinking that I don't have any say about anything. I just think that as the one that earns the money, provides all the food, clothing and resources that he should be the one in charge. He may not think that way, or at least he doesn't come out and say it, but I do. I like it that way. I know certain people think I let him decide everything for me or that he doesn't allow me to do things but that is just bullshit. He hasn't ever told me not to do something that I really wanted to do. He gives me suggestions and his opinions but he would never force me into anything. So there! *insert tongue sticking out 2 year old face here*
Am I anti feminism? Nah... Am I a feminist? Nah... I'm something in between. I am the new model 50's housewife. And when I do get a job when my son starts school I will probably enjoy the paycheck and getting out of the house. But I know I will miss being home with the kids and I will probably be stressed out even more having the keep up the house and maintain a job. But until then I am going to enjoy things the way they are now.
I am all for getting a job when you need to and supporting your family. I am all for women breaking through the glass ceiling. But I am also very happy being at home. Some people find that difficult to understand. It's not because I'm lazy and don't want to get a job, although I do admit to being pretty lazy. I enjoy being the one that takes care of my family. I like knowing that my husband has clean clothes because of me, he has food on the table after work because I cooked it, and I love being there when he walks through the door. Now this going to sound completely cheesy to a lot of you but I still get excited when it's almost time for my husband to get home. He get's off work at 5 pm and either before that time or at exactly 5 I start cooking dinner. Most things I cook don't take more then 30 to 45 minutes to prepare. So while he's driving home I'm busy in the kitchen cooking something for the family to eat. And while I'm doing that I keep an eye on the window for his truck to turn the corner onto our street. It's been almost 5 years since we got married and I can't help that I still wait with anticipation for him to come home. There is an extreme feeling of calm that comes over me the minute he walks through that door. I just feel better when he's home with me,even if he's out in the shop, just knowing that he is there makes the tension go away. (Unless the kids are being super insane that is!) So I cannot imagine not being there when he walks in the door at night. It would take away one of the best parts of my day.
Another thing that I love about being a stay at home wife and mom is being there for my kids. I don't have to call in on snow days or sick days, I don't have to drop them off with babysitters and daycares knowing how much I would be missing out on. Not that there is anything wrong with that, my daughter had to go to daycare while I was in college and she loved it. But I hated it. I felt guilty for her having to be there and felt like I missed out on a lot of things she learned in that time. Somehow when they start school it's different. You know they have to be there so you don't feel so bad. They are experiencing the things you can only experience through school. But while at school, I am home preparing things for them in many different ways. Clothes and sheets get washed, floors are mopped and vacuumed, trash is taken out, meals and snacks are prepared...just general homemaking. Some people say it's good to set an example of a woman working in the household so daughters can see that women can be self supporting. I think that's bull. I mean yes, it is a good example but doing what I do is possibly one of the hardest jobs in the world. I get frustrated, I look awful at the end of the day and I don't get enough sleep. I also don't get paid for all the things I do. Yes I do complain about the kids driving me insane and I do complain about having to clean up messes all the time, but I don't think i would change anything.
I truly believe that I would have made the perfect 50's housewife. I can just picture me in the dress with the apron waiting by the door when my husband got home with his cocktail of choice and dinner waiting on the table. I do believe that the man should be the head of his family, it just seems to make sense to me. I consider me and my husband equals in our marriage so don't go nuts thinking that I don't have any say about anything. I just think that as the one that earns the money, provides all the food, clothing and resources that he should be the one in charge. He may not think that way, or at least he doesn't come out and say it, but I do. I like it that way. I know certain people think I let him decide everything for me or that he doesn't allow me to do things but that is just bullshit. He hasn't ever told me not to do something that I really wanted to do. He gives me suggestions and his opinions but he would never force me into anything. So there! *insert tongue sticking out 2 year old face here*
Am I anti feminism? Nah... Am I a feminist? Nah... I'm something in between. I am the new model 50's housewife. And when I do get a job when my son starts school I will probably enjoy the paycheck and getting out of the house. But I know I will miss being home with the kids and I will probably be stressed out even more having the keep up the house and maintain a job. But until then I am going to enjoy things the way they are now.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
10 years ago...
So my 10 year high school reunion in coming up this October. My first gut reaction was, no I'm not going. But then for a brief moment I thought, well...maybe I should go. There are a few people from high school that aren't on Facebook and I have no idea what happened to them after high school and college. There are two people I would like to see what they've done with themselves. Elizabeth Grace and Michael Pennington. They were two of the nicest people I've met. Elizabeth was a quiet red head that had a very unexpected Celtic tattoo on the back of her neck. Michael was one of the "popular" skater type guys that was nice to just about everyone that I know of. I saw them both in college and had the opportunity to get to know them both a little better. Elizabeth was very soft spoken and polite. I wish I knew what happened to them both. The only thing I heard about Michael after college was his father passed away. And it wasn't long after my own father passed so I felt awful for him. But anyway...
I didn't have a terrible high school experience. I mean it had it's moments that sucked beyond belief but it also had some moments that I hope I never forget. There were the snobs, the preps, the stoners, the loners, all the typical stereotypes for high school teenagers. I like to think that I was friendly to everyone when in reality I probably wasn't. I wasn't and still am not a huge people person. I have a few people that I love to talk to and see occasionally. We all have our own families and jobs and things so it's hard to see each other as much as I'd like. But I think we are closer now then ever. (You all know who you are!) But I had a variety of different types of friends but I didn't have a huge social life with them. Most of the people I did stuff with outside of school were people I didn't go to school with. Either people I worked with or people I met through other people. Usually older then me because they were friends of my sister's. I enjoyed my junior and senior year of high school. I had good friends and some awesome teachers in that time. No boyfriend drama like in 10th grade. I had a boyfriend for part of junior year and all of my senior year but it wasn't the same drama as 10th grade when I was dating someone in high school. I don't recommend dating people you go to school with. It gets ugly and then the whole school knows about it.
The main thing I didn't like about high school were the "preppy kids". Not because they had more money or because they had nicer clothes. But because of their attitude. They treated other people like dirt or ignored them completely. I honestly didn't care if they ignored me but it would have been nice to be treated like I was worth their time. Some of them were polite but standoffish. Especially if their "cool" friends were around. I think that was worse the being ignored completely. The ones that were your friend in a certain class but then as soon as you stepped out of those doors they acted like you didn't exist. I hope I didn't do that to anyone. If I did I didn't mean to. Another thing that bugged the shit out of me was the so called "skater guys". They dressed grungy, messed with skateboards all the time and usually were involved in bands or art in some way. Usually there were one or two that I thought were hot. They listened to the same kind of music as me, they watched a lot of the same shows as me and attended some of the same concerts. But they never dated the girls that acted like them. Instead they wanted the cheerleaders and the preppy girls. I can understand they wanted to be with hot girls but what about the girls that actually had things in common with them? That's what I don't understand about the teenage boy. They want the hot girl but when it comes down to it they have nothing in common. So instead of going with the equally hot girls that just happen to dress a little different they waste time on the girls the rest of us despise. Oh well...it's one of life's mysteries that will never be figured out I guess.
Well I was recently told that I would be seen as a coward if I did not attend my class reunion. I call bullshit on that one. Just because I don't want to make myself uncomfortable and be around people that haven't changed one bit since high school doesn't make me a coward. I think it makes me..well me. I don't like crowds, I don't like a lot of the people that are organizing the reunion and I don't like most of the people that are attending. They still make fun of people that they haven't seen in a decade, that tells me that it wont be a good time. I would hate to snap in front of all these people and give them something to talk about for the next decade. I could try to lose 50 lbs and walk in there looking awesome like I'm Andy from Pretty in Pink, "I just want them to know they didn't break me." The truth is they didn't break me in high school, they aren't going to break me now. I like who I was then, I love who I am now. I am a college graduate, I am a mother of two beautiful children, and the wife of an amazing man. I have a comfortable home full of things I love and while things may not always be perfect I wouldn't change anything. I don't know what all of my classmates are up to but if they are happy, then I'm happy for them. I don't have to have their successes rubbed in my face and I wont rub mine in theirs. I think while they are having their little party I'll be home with my family knowing that I am just as successful as the rest of them. And for the ones I missed that I would truly like to see, I'm sorry and maybe someday we'll run into each other.
I probably sound bitter, and in truth I probably am. I have friends that were treated much worse then I was, I was fortunate to be surrounded by friends that watched my back. But some of them didn't. Some people were made fun of for stupid things, some were ignored because they didn't belong to the right church, didn't go to the right parties and weren't involved in school activities. I did none of those things, I didn't go to a church, I didn't participate in anything other then choir and I didn't have money. I was lucky enough to get a car my junior year because I had a job. I was lucky enough to have friends that were always around me. And I'm lucky now that I can still call some of them friends or even best friends. It's ten years later and while not much seems to have changed I know that I have. I hope when my children are in high school they are the type of person that wont judge others based on how they look or dress but by their actions. I want my kids to not suffer the torment so many of us endure through our school years. But I know that at some point they probably will. I just hope they can handle it and move on knowing that high school isn't forever.
I didn't have a terrible high school experience. I mean it had it's moments that sucked beyond belief but it also had some moments that I hope I never forget. There were the snobs, the preps, the stoners, the loners, all the typical stereotypes for high school teenagers. I like to think that I was friendly to everyone when in reality I probably wasn't. I wasn't and still am not a huge people person. I have a few people that I love to talk to and see occasionally. We all have our own families and jobs and things so it's hard to see each other as much as I'd like. But I think we are closer now then ever. (You all know who you are!) But I had a variety of different types of friends but I didn't have a huge social life with them. Most of the people I did stuff with outside of school were people I didn't go to school with. Either people I worked with or people I met through other people. Usually older then me because they were friends of my sister's. I enjoyed my junior and senior year of high school. I had good friends and some awesome teachers in that time. No boyfriend drama like in 10th grade. I had a boyfriend for part of junior year and all of my senior year but it wasn't the same drama as 10th grade when I was dating someone in high school. I don't recommend dating people you go to school with. It gets ugly and then the whole school knows about it.
The main thing I didn't like about high school were the "preppy kids". Not because they had more money or because they had nicer clothes. But because of their attitude. They treated other people like dirt or ignored them completely. I honestly didn't care if they ignored me but it would have been nice to be treated like I was worth their time. Some of them were polite but standoffish. Especially if their "cool" friends were around. I think that was worse the being ignored completely. The ones that were your friend in a certain class but then as soon as you stepped out of those doors they acted like you didn't exist. I hope I didn't do that to anyone. If I did I didn't mean to. Another thing that bugged the shit out of me was the so called "skater guys". They dressed grungy, messed with skateboards all the time and usually were involved in bands or art in some way. Usually there were one or two that I thought were hot. They listened to the same kind of music as me, they watched a lot of the same shows as me and attended some of the same concerts. But they never dated the girls that acted like them. Instead they wanted the cheerleaders and the preppy girls. I can understand they wanted to be with hot girls but what about the girls that actually had things in common with them? That's what I don't understand about the teenage boy. They want the hot girl but when it comes down to it they have nothing in common. So instead of going with the equally hot girls that just happen to dress a little different they waste time on the girls the rest of us despise. Oh well...it's one of life's mysteries that will never be figured out I guess.
Well I was recently told that I would be seen as a coward if I did not attend my class reunion. I call bullshit on that one. Just because I don't want to make myself uncomfortable and be around people that haven't changed one bit since high school doesn't make me a coward. I think it makes me..well me. I don't like crowds, I don't like a lot of the people that are organizing the reunion and I don't like most of the people that are attending. They still make fun of people that they haven't seen in a decade, that tells me that it wont be a good time. I would hate to snap in front of all these people and give them something to talk about for the next decade. I could try to lose 50 lbs and walk in there looking awesome like I'm Andy from Pretty in Pink, "I just want them to know they didn't break me." The truth is they didn't break me in high school, they aren't going to break me now. I like who I was then, I love who I am now. I am a college graduate, I am a mother of two beautiful children, and the wife of an amazing man. I have a comfortable home full of things I love and while things may not always be perfect I wouldn't change anything. I don't know what all of my classmates are up to but if they are happy, then I'm happy for them. I don't have to have their successes rubbed in my face and I wont rub mine in theirs. I think while they are having their little party I'll be home with my family knowing that I am just as successful as the rest of them. And for the ones I missed that I would truly like to see, I'm sorry and maybe someday we'll run into each other.
I probably sound bitter, and in truth I probably am. I have friends that were treated much worse then I was, I was fortunate to be surrounded by friends that watched my back. But some of them didn't. Some people were made fun of for stupid things, some were ignored because they didn't belong to the right church, didn't go to the right parties and weren't involved in school activities. I did none of those things, I didn't go to a church, I didn't participate in anything other then choir and I didn't have money. I was lucky enough to get a car my junior year because I had a job. I was lucky enough to have friends that were always around me. And I'm lucky now that I can still call some of them friends or even best friends. It's ten years later and while not much seems to have changed I know that I have. I hope when my children are in high school they are the type of person that wont judge others based on how they look or dress but by their actions. I want my kids to not suffer the torment so many of us endure through our school years. But I know that at some point they probably will. I just hope they can handle it and move on knowing that high school isn't forever.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
So tired...
It's 2:45 on Tuesday. It's cloudy and rainy and I'm sleepy. I slept extremely well except for having to get up once to get Carson a drink and then use the bathroom. So I have no idea why I am so tired today. Maybe it's the dreary rain, maybe I'm just tired. I'm tired of being tired. I wake up ready to go but then as the day goes on I just get more and more tired. It would be one thing if I was tired because I'd done something, but I do the same things every day. Oh well...just tired I guess.
I know my morning routine needs to change. Libby is on new medication for her ADHD and for sleeping. Her old medicine kept wearing off too early and then it would be impossible for her to sleep at night or it would take hours for her to fall asleep. She'd just lay awake at night staring at the ceiling and imagine creepy things were coming to get her. So the new meds are good. The ADHD meds seem to be doing just as good if not better then the other one. It seems to last longer and her grades at school have seemed to improve. The sleeping medication is a little harder on her I think. It helps her sleep much better then anything else we've tried but it also makes it a lot harder for her to get up in the morning. She is grouchy and sleepy and generally not fun to be around. I am not that much of a morning person either but I get up and get going as fast as I can and try to do it in a polite way. She was just acting like a monster this morning. She didn't want to get out of the bed, then it took her a long time to decide what to wear, then complained that it was too cold in the house, then complained that there wasn't anything to eat for breakfast although I gave her several different options. She settled on a frozen waffle with butter and jelly on it. She ate it and asked if there was time for another one. Of course there wasn't because it took her so long just to get out of bed and get ready. So she about cried over that and finally decided to eat a slice of bread with peanut butter on it. That took forever as well. It was 7:25 at this point and she still had to put shoes on, brush her hair and teeth and get her backpack ready before the bus arrived at 7:40. Some people would think that 15 minutes would be plenty of time to do all those things but they have obviously have not dealt with my child. It takes what seems like a huge amount of time for her to accomplish these things in the morning and the mood only makes it that much worse. She eventually got all these things done and made it to the bus on time. But by that time I am worn out and I feel stressed for the rest of my day. It's a constant effort on my part to keep her going in the morning.
I have encountered many people who don't think my daughter has ADHD or that I am too strict in one way or another. And until Libby started showing symptoms I admit I thought giving your kids medication for ADD or ADHD was just a way to keep them sedated throughout the day. But they, and I, were wrong. My daughter does not do all the things that other kids her age do. Don't get me wrong, she's smart, very bright, friendly, funny, she loves to play and do all those things. But she can't do anything for more then a few minutes without getting bored, frustrated or annoyed and giving up and moving on to something else. That was before the medication anyway. She has to be constantly reminded to do the most simple things that people do every day. If I didn't tell her to put shoes on in the morning I am pretty sure she would walk out to the bus wearing only socks, that is if she even made it to the bus. She has to be reminded to eat, to sleep, to brush her teeth, to get dressed, to drink a drink, to shower, pretty much anything. She has issues with school work and hates having to practice. Most kids do but then most kids aren't bringing home F's and D's all the time. I want her to be able to grow up and have options as to what she does with her life. And if she can't make it through school I worry that she wont have many options.
I get tired of people telling me that she shouldn't be on medication. I hate that she has to take a pill every day. I seriously do. But if she didn't, she would not be able to function in a school environment. But I still get looks from people that seem to be accusing me of making my child into a zombie just so I don't have to work so hard with her. That is not the case at all. I would much rather not have her take medication and do well on her own. And hopefully some day she will. But it's so annoying that people do this. They just don't understand what it's like. There is a huge difference between a hyper child and a child with ADHD. If it was just energy she needed to work off that would be fine. But this is more then that. She literally bounces off the walls and does not stop talking the entire day if she doesn't take her medication. The one day I sent her to school without medication this year she brought home a note saying she didn't stop talking long enough to do a paper and had received an F. So when it comes down to a choice between failing school or taking a pill once a day, I'm sorry but I have to choose that pill.
But besides school there are so many other things I worry about for her. She is impulsive, seems to lack so of that common sense that we seem to get as we get older. And that makes me worry about her as a teenager. I realize they are all like that when they are teens. But multiply the normal teenager by 50 and you'll understand why I worry. I keep hoping that she'll grow out of this by then but right now it doesn't seem to be getting better. She'll be 10 in August. I remember when I was 10 and I was a very different kid. I know we are all different at that age and I had some different life experience that made me the way I was but she is different from the kids in her class as well. Maybe it'll just take her a little longer to mature, and I hope that's all it is. I know one of these days I'll look back and tell her about all the worry I went through and laugh when she has her own rowdy children. But for now I'm tired. I'm stressed and I will continue to worry.
And for all the people that judge me and my family because of this, back the hell off. These are my kids and I'll raise them as I see fit. I am the one that is with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm the one that deals with the emotions, the teachers, the grades, the worry, the nightmares, the weightloss, the crying, the frustration. It's me and my husband doing this the best way we know how. For anyone that does not live with us to pass any sort of judgment is doing so out of ignorance for our situation.
I know my morning routine needs to change. Libby is on new medication for her ADHD and for sleeping. Her old medicine kept wearing off too early and then it would be impossible for her to sleep at night or it would take hours for her to fall asleep. She'd just lay awake at night staring at the ceiling and imagine creepy things were coming to get her. So the new meds are good. The ADHD meds seem to be doing just as good if not better then the other one. It seems to last longer and her grades at school have seemed to improve. The sleeping medication is a little harder on her I think. It helps her sleep much better then anything else we've tried but it also makes it a lot harder for her to get up in the morning. She is grouchy and sleepy and generally not fun to be around. I am not that much of a morning person either but I get up and get going as fast as I can and try to do it in a polite way. She was just acting like a monster this morning. She didn't want to get out of the bed, then it took her a long time to decide what to wear, then complained that it was too cold in the house, then complained that there wasn't anything to eat for breakfast although I gave her several different options. She settled on a frozen waffle with butter and jelly on it. She ate it and asked if there was time for another one. Of course there wasn't because it took her so long just to get out of bed and get ready. So she about cried over that and finally decided to eat a slice of bread with peanut butter on it. That took forever as well. It was 7:25 at this point and she still had to put shoes on, brush her hair and teeth and get her backpack ready before the bus arrived at 7:40. Some people would think that 15 minutes would be plenty of time to do all those things but they have obviously have not dealt with my child. It takes what seems like a huge amount of time for her to accomplish these things in the morning and the mood only makes it that much worse. She eventually got all these things done and made it to the bus on time. But by that time I am worn out and I feel stressed for the rest of my day. It's a constant effort on my part to keep her going in the morning.
I have encountered many people who don't think my daughter has ADHD or that I am too strict in one way or another. And until Libby started showing symptoms I admit I thought giving your kids medication for ADD or ADHD was just a way to keep them sedated throughout the day. But they, and I, were wrong. My daughter does not do all the things that other kids her age do. Don't get me wrong, she's smart, very bright, friendly, funny, she loves to play and do all those things. But she can't do anything for more then a few minutes without getting bored, frustrated or annoyed and giving up and moving on to something else. That was before the medication anyway. She has to be constantly reminded to do the most simple things that people do every day. If I didn't tell her to put shoes on in the morning I am pretty sure she would walk out to the bus wearing only socks, that is if she even made it to the bus. She has to be reminded to eat, to sleep, to brush her teeth, to get dressed, to drink a drink, to shower, pretty much anything. She has issues with school work and hates having to practice. Most kids do but then most kids aren't bringing home F's and D's all the time. I want her to be able to grow up and have options as to what she does with her life. And if she can't make it through school I worry that she wont have many options.
I get tired of people telling me that she shouldn't be on medication. I hate that she has to take a pill every day. I seriously do. But if she didn't, she would not be able to function in a school environment. But I still get looks from people that seem to be accusing me of making my child into a zombie just so I don't have to work so hard with her. That is not the case at all. I would much rather not have her take medication and do well on her own. And hopefully some day she will. But it's so annoying that people do this. They just don't understand what it's like. There is a huge difference between a hyper child and a child with ADHD. If it was just energy she needed to work off that would be fine. But this is more then that. She literally bounces off the walls and does not stop talking the entire day if she doesn't take her medication. The one day I sent her to school without medication this year she brought home a note saying she didn't stop talking long enough to do a paper and had received an F. So when it comes down to a choice between failing school or taking a pill once a day, I'm sorry but I have to choose that pill.
But besides school there are so many other things I worry about for her. She is impulsive, seems to lack so of that common sense that we seem to get as we get older. And that makes me worry about her as a teenager. I realize they are all like that when they are teens. But multiply the normal teenager by 50 and you'll understand why I worry. I keep hoping that she'll grow out of this by then but right now it doesn't seem to be getting better. She'll be 10 in August. I remember when I was 10 and I was a very different kid. I know we are all different at that age and I had some different life experience that made me the way I was but she is different from the kids in her class as well. Maybe it'll just take her a little longer to mature, and I hope that's all it is. I know one of these days I'll look back and tell her about all the worry I went through and laugh when she has her own rowdy children. But for now I'm tired. I'm stressed and I will continue to worry.
And for all the people that judge me and my family because of this, back the hell off. These are my kids and I'll raise them as I see fit. I am the one that is with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm the one that deals with the emotions, the teachers, the grades, the worry, the nightmares, the weightloss, the crying, the frustration. It's me and my husband doing this the best way we know how. For anyone that does not live with us to pass any sort of judgment is doing so out of ignorance for our situation.
Friday, March 4, 2011
I ate his liver with a side of fava beans and a nice chianti.....
I have always been a huge fan of the Hannibal Lecter series of movies ever since I was probably around 10 or 11 years old and my mom let me watch Silence of the Lambs. Don't worry, she made me cover my eyes during the bad parts. But there is just something about the character Hannibal Lecter that mesmerizes me. There are so many other things going on in that movie but I think we can all agree that the relationship between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is the most important and interesting part of the movie. You can't really tell if he is interested in her romantically or just psychologically. At least in the movie you can't. I am about to start the book so maybe it will shed some light on the situation.
I just finished reading Hannibal Rising and Red Dragon. I read Hannibal Rising first since it was the story of Hannibal from a young child. I realize it was written last but I wanted to read the books in the order of his life to see if it would make the other books make more sense. Not that they don't make sense, just maybe knowing how he came to be would help the rest of the story play out a little easier. Hannibal Rising was an awesome book. I was afraid I wouldn't like it since I have seen the other movies so many times but I have to say that these books are almost word for word copies of the movies. Or should I say the movies are word for word copies of the books? The same goes for Red Dragon, word for word. Some of the lines from the book are what Edward Norton and Anthony Hopkins actually said in the movie. I was very pleasantly surprised by the book. I usually prefer to read the book before the movie but I was too young to read Silence of the Lambs when it came out. Same with Red Dragon. But reading these books does make me want to watch the movies all over again. Although I haven't seen Hannibal Rising yet so I will have to rent it. I saw clips on youtube and it seems very accurate to the book.
Knowing how Hannibal ends in the movie version I wonder if there will be other books in this series. Apparently the author is a very slow writer so it could be another decade before we find out. I just hope he finishes it in his lifetime. Although you would think that Dr. Lecter would ultimately have to die at the end of the final book and I don't know if I'm ready for this character to die just yet. Even though he's not real, within the pages of the book he is very real. And seeing him dead in ink is just something I am not ready to read. I would love it if his story just went on and on but in the grand scheme of things that is just not possible.
But the point of this post is mainly me saying if you enjoyed the movies you should definitely read these books. And if you haven't seen the movies, read the books first and then rent them. My only issue with the movies is that Jodi Foster was Clarice in The Silence of the Lambs and in Hannibal Clarice is played by Julianne Moore. They both did a good job but I think it would have been much better if Jodi Foster had played the part. She was a much more convincing actress in that roll. Plus I just hate it when you get used to one person playing a part and then for whatever reason they change that person. Like The Mummy with Rachel whatever her name is played Evelyn. Then that other chick took her place in the last one. I just can't make myself watch it the new one without all the original people in it. Sometimes you should just stop with two. LOL
Enough of my rambling, I hope you read these books and watch the films. Any self respecting Anthony Hopkins fan owes it to themselves to watch them anyway. :)
I just finished reading Hannibal Rising and Red Dragon. I read Hannibal Rising first since it was the story of Hannibal from a young child. I realize it was written last but I wanted to read the books in the order of his life to see if it would make the other books make more sense. Not that they don't make sense, just maybe knowing how he came to be would help the rest of the story play out a little easier. Hannibal Rising was an awesome book. I was afraid I wouldn't like it since I have seen the other movies so many times but I have to say that these books are almost word for word copies of the movies. Or should I say the movies are word for word copies of the books? The same goes for Red Dragon, word for word. Some of the lines from the book are what Edward Norton and Anthony Hopkins actually said in the movie. I was very pleasantly surprised by the book. I usually prefer to read the book before the movie but I was too young to read Silence of the Lambs when it came out. Same with Red Dragon. But reading these books does make me want to watch the movies all over again. Although I haven't seen Hannibal Rising yet so I will have to rent it. I saw clips on youtube and it seems very accurate to the book.
Knowing how Hannibal ends in the movie version I wonder if there will be other books in this series. Apparently the author is a very slow writer so it could be another decade before we find out. I just hope he finishes it in his lifetime. Although you would think that Dr. Lecter would ultimately have to die at the end of the final book and I don't know if I'm ready for this character to die just yet. Even though he's not real, within the pages of the book he is very real. And seeing him dead in ink is just something I am not ready to read. I would love it if his story just went on and on but in the grand scheme of things that is just not possible.
But the point of this post is mainly me saying if you enjoyed the movies you should definitely read these books. And if you haven't seen the movies, read the books first and then rent them. My only issue with the movies is that Jodi Foster was Clarice in The Silence of the Lambs and in Hannibal Clarice is played by Julianne Moore. They both did a good job but I think it would have been much better if Jodi Foster had played the part. She was a much more convincing actress in that roll. Plus I just hate it when you get used to one person playing a part and then for whatever reason they change that person. Like The Mummy with Rachel whatever her name is played Evelyn. Then that other chick took her place in the last one. I just can't make myself watch it the new one without all the original people in it. Sometimes you should just stop with two. LOL
Enough of my rambling, I hope you read these books and watch the films. Any self respecting Anthony Hopkins fan owes it to themselves to watch them anyway. :)
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