So tired...

It's 2:45 on Tuesday. It's cloudy and rainy and I'm sleepy. I slept extremely well except for having to get up once to get Carson a drink and then use the bathroom. So I have no idea why I am so tired today. Maybe it's the dreary rain, maybe I'm just tired. I'm tired of being tired. I wake up ready to go but then as the day goes on I just get more and more tired. It would be one thing if I was tired because I'd done something, but I do the same things every day. Oh well...just tired I guess.
I know my morning routine needs to change. Libby is on new medication for her ADHD and for sleeping. Her old medicine kept wearing off too early and then it would be impossible for her to sleep at night or it would take hours for her to fall asleep. She'd just lay awake at night staring at the ceiling and imagine creepy things were coming to get her. So the new meds are good. The ADHD meds seem to be doing just as good if not better then the other one. It seems to last longer and her grades at school have seemed to improve. The sleeping medication is a little harder on her I think. It helps her sleep much better then anything else we've tried but it also makes it a lot harder for her to get up in the morning. She is grouchy and sleepy and generally not fun to be around. I am not that much of a morning person either but I get up and get going as fast as I can and try to do it in a polite way. She was just acting like a monster this morning. She didn't want to get out of the bed, then it took her a long time to decide what to wear, then complained that it was too cold in the house, then complained that there wasn't anything to eat for breakfast although I gave her several different options. She settled on a frozen waffle with butter and jelly on it. She ate it and asked if there was time for another one. Of course there wasn't because it took her so long just to get out of bed and get ready. So she about cried over that and finally decided to eat a slice of bread with peanut butter on it. That took forever as well. It was 7:25 at this point and she still had to put shoes on, brush her hair and teeth and get her backpack ready before the bus arrived at 7:40. Some people would think that 15 minutes would be plenty of time to do all those things but they have obviously have not dealt with my child. It takes what seems like a huge amount of time for her to accomplish these things in the morning and the mood only makes it that much worse. She eventually got all these things done and made it to the bus on time. But by that time I am worn out and I feel stressed for the rest of my day. It's a constant effort on my part to keep her going in the morning.
I have encountered many people who don't think my daughter has ADHD or that I am too strict in one way or another. And until Libby started showing symptoms I admit I thought giving your kids medication for ADD or ADHD was just a way to keep them sedated throughout the day. But they, and I, were wrong. My daughter does not do all the things that other kids her age do. Don't get me wrong, she's smart, very bright, friendly, funny, she loves to play and do all those things. But she can't do anything for more then a few minutes without getting bored, frustrated or annoyed and giving up and moving on to something else. That was before the medication anyway. She has to be constantly reminded to do the most simple things that people do every day. If I didn't tell her to put shoes on in the morning I am pretty sure she would walk out to the bus wearing only socks, that is if she even made it to the bus. She has to be reminded to eat, to sleep, to brush her teeth, to get dressed, to drink a drink, to shower, pretty much anything. She has issues with school work and hates having to practice. Most kids do but then most kids aren't bringing home F's and D's all the time. I want her to be able to grow up and have options as to what she does with her life. And if she can't make it through school I worry that she wont have many options.
I get tired of people telling me that she shouldn't be on medication. I hate that she has to take a pill every day. I seriously do. But if she didn't, she would not be able to function in a school environment. But I still get looks from people that seem to be accusing me of making my child into a zombie just so I don't have to work so hard with her. That is not the case at all. I would much rather not have her take medication and do well on her own. And hopefully some day she will. But it's so annoying that people do this. They just don't understand what it's like. There is a huge difference between a hyper child and a child with ADHD. If it was just energy she needed to work off that would be fine. But this is more then that. She literally bounces off the walls and does not stop talking the entire day if she doesn't take her medication. The one day I sent her to school without medication this year she brought home a note saying she didn't stop talking long enough to do a paper and had received an F. So when it comes down to a choice between failing school or taking a pill once a day, I'm sorry but I have to choose that pill.
But besides school there are so many other things I worry about for her. She is impulsive, seems to lack so of that common sense that we seem to get as we get older. And that makes me worry about her as a teenager. I realize they are all like that when they are teens. But multiply the normal teenager by 50 and you'll understand why I worry. I keep hoping that she'll grow out of this by then but right now it doesn't seem to be getting better. She'll be 10 in August. I remember when I was 10 and I was a very different kid. I know we are all different at that age and I had some different life experience that made me the way I was but she is different from the kids in her class as well. Maybe it'll just take her a little longer to mature, and I hope that's all it is. I know one of these days I'll look back and tell her about all the worry I went through and laugh when she has her own rowdy children. But for now I'm tired. I'm stressed and I will continue to worry.
And for all the people that judge me and my family because of this, back the hell off. These are my kids and I'll raise them as I see fit. I am the one that is with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm the one that deals with the emotions, the teachers, the grades, the worry, the nightmares, the weightloss, the crying, the frustration. It's me and my husband doing this the best way we know how. For anyone that does not live with us to pass any sort of judgment is doing so out of ignorance for our situation.